1. I think I’m turning into my parents.
2. It’s been over a decade since I was in college.
3. Where did my twenties go?
4. I’m the last of my friends who’s still single.
5. What is this ache and is it fatal?
6. Why didn’t I start a Roth IRA sooner?
7. Will I be renting for the rest of my life?
8. Why the hell did I have coffee after 3 p.m.?
9. I hope my brunch date cancels tomorrow.
10. Good Lord, I’m old enough to be Lorde’s mother/father.
11. I think this mattress is the cause of my back pain.
12. Do my new ~comfy~ shoes look like granny shoes?
13. When my parents were my age, I was 10.
14. What the fuck is “Periscope” and why do I even care?
15. I’d prefer to just send a gift than attend another baby shower.
16. Definitely should not have had that second slice of pizza.
17. People who are in college now were born in the ’90s.
18. What is a flex spending card and why don’t I have one?!
19. My co-workers were toddlers when I graduated from high school.
20. SHOULD I pluck that gray hair?
21. “When I was her age…” OMG no.
22. My closet is half full of clothes I haven’t worn in a decade.
23. How can I make _________ a tax write-off?
24. Why does the heartthrob I crushed on as a teen suddenly look so old?
25. I can’t go to concerts anymore that don’t have seats.
26. If I had a baby tomorrow, I’d be in my fifties when they graduate from college.
27. Crap, it’s almost the end of the year and I need 2,000 more miles to get status on United!
28. There’s an entire generation of people alive who don’t “get” my hilarious movie references.
20. What will I do on Friday nights if Netflix ever goes away?
30. OK, seriously, how is it only 9 p.m.?