21 Reasons Not To Go Out This Weekend

1. Because a whole box of wine to yourself is much cheaper than $15 a drink.

2. Because you don’t have to wear makeup.


3. Because you’re not a ‘woo girl‘ anymore.


4. Because you’re not a fist-pumping dudebro, either.

5. Because you don’t have to wear shoes when you’re at home, or pants for that matter.


6. Because you have Netflix and crackers and nobody around to judge how much you consume of either.


7. Because you won’t have to be disappointed when nobody hot shows up.


8. Because you won’t have to wait in a long line to pee in a stall that’s out of TP.


9. Because you won’t have to pretend you’re having the time of your life for five excruciating hours.


10. Because you’re tired of trying to read lips over the dubstep they blast at nightclubs.


11. Because there’s no chance of running into your ex or the cops at home, at least you hope so.

12. Because you have a refrigerator full of food when you get hungry at 2 am.


13. Because you don’t have to worry about walking barefoot in the filthy streets when you can no longer tolerate the pain of your high heels.


14. Because you don’t have to figure out how to get home safely while drunk.

15. Because you’ll never have to deal with getting your friend home when he/she gets too drunk and passes out.


16. Because you get to be the DJ and decide what plays.


17. Because YOU control the guest list and don’t have to deal with creepy drunk people hitting on you.


18. Because Chipotle delivers now.


19. Because this adorable little guy needs someone to hang out with too.


20. Because you don’t have to care what you look like while dancing.


21. Because if all else fails and you’re not having fun,  jerking off is always a win.

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